Week #4 Eureka moment. "My only male friend"

My eureka moment happened yesterday when I received an email from my good friend Travis who I haven’t seen for a few years. He is an amazing and fun person who was more like my family then a friend when we were younger. Travis is gay and has been open about it for as long as I’ve known him, he is flamboyant, loud, and energetic and will have a dance party at any time in any place as long as there is music playing. Seriously he broke it down at superfresh before when his cell phone began to ring with his favorite Janet Jackson song. But as feminine as he is I never associated him with the female gender and I considered myself lucky to have a male confidante on my side. I guess I just assumed that his opinions on certain issues would be the same as other men’s. After reading this week it hit me that the only reason he and I were so close is because he was like a girl friend, Travis builds relationships and communicates with others as a feminine person. He embodies characteristics that most men wouldn’t be caught dead owning up to. He is uninhibited with his actions and emotions; he always wanted to confide in me and others when something was bothering him. Also unlike men I know he never got embarrassed when telling a humiliating story, most of his stories began with, “ Oh my god you have no idea what I just did, I am soooo embarrassed!!” He wasn’t really embarrassed but he found humor in all situations and knew how to laugh at himself.
I have never had relationships with other boy friends that even came close to being as deep meaningful before Travis or after. I trusted him completely, maybe it’s because he showed me his weaknesses and genuinely had no hidden agenda behind being my friend. I don’t think I was ever one hundred percent unguarded when with heterosexual men, it’s uncontrollable. But I could always be my true weird and flawed self around him because we had no judgment or expectations about one another, I’m not even sure if I could say that about all of my female friends. This is my acceptation to men and women being friends, it can only work when attraction is removed from the equation.

I teach a swim class for young children and i have recently noticed that the boys have male role models, like big brothers and dads, and the girls look up to sisters and moms. One boy refuses to take any instruction from me, he is three-years-old and will only listen to the male instructors even if he barely knows them. After reading the chapter this all fell into place and i started seeing that boys were more into typical rough play and the girls socialized more and wanted to play fun games where everyone could have fun. I still cannot tell whether or not these behaviors are learned because of the role models they observe or whether they are genetically programmed this way.

week # 3

Magazines geared toward women are ultimately working against women and their self image. Cosmopolitan, Allure, Glamour and others just like these are publications written to let women know what is considered beautiful in our society. But have you ever read the titles on the cover??? They are ridiculous, “101 ways to keep him satisfied,” “Get a flat tummy in two weeks,” “Things he would secretly Love you to do to him,” “Fashions that make anyone look 10 pounds slimmer.” They are entirely about sex, fashion, and thinness- as if these are the only things that will make you happy in life. I am all for silly magazines, But these perpetuate negative stereotypes about females that make the average women feel inadequate. They portray unrealistic women with standards that do not represent the population but the culture, and that seems unbalanced. I don’t understand why they are so popular when it offers bad advice with little to no substance. Even for entertainment I don’t get the appeal because when I'm done flipping through one I feel the need to diet and create a “love trap” so my man will still love me.

rESPONSE TO jOANS WEEK # 3: I have done the same thing or at least thought it, and if i really am curious i will ask. I have only offended one guy, he went to high school with my cousin. He works in fashion and has that certain speech slur that i have come (through what Ive learned from whats around me) associate with the "flamboyant" homosexual male. I felt very bad but I never intent to offend people i just want to know so I do not make the mistake of calling them out in front of a crowd if they happen to be gay. I do recognize that it is way different than someone asking me if I'm straight.

REPLY TO NICOLE F WEEK # 3: I feel that when it comes to certain things like dealing with salespeople, they are always going to shmooz the person who they think calls the shots. And culturally people associate that position with the men and its unfair. At the same time we get ripped off, I took my car into the shop for repair and was charged an insane amount of money for parts I did not even know were in my car. In frustration I took my car to another garage where the price was more reasonable and where i was told many of the repairs the other place wanted to do were unnecessary. What is interesting is that my boyfriend recomended the first place because of how honest and fair they were- he was shocked when he found out and never went back.

Week # 2

There are two very different ways to incorporate dirty words into social situations, one is positive and one is negative. It can be argued that both are negative but I need to make a distinction. One situation involves a person verbally bashing a member of the opposite sex, in front of that person or saying it to a group of their peers, either way he or she is very angry and conjuring every evil sexist name that comes to mind. This is a scary situation because words are so powerful they can ignite a fire that leads to violence. There are countless social situations that make using words such as “chick” or “prick” seem commonplace and totally acceptable. Of course the individuals engaged in the conversation probably know they run the risk of offending the opposite sex and only speak this way in front of their closest same-sex friends. I will talk with certain people in my life using demeaning sexist remarks depending on where I am who I am with and the context of the conversation, like a teacher were talking with a students parent they are going to have a different tone and possibly a different set of words. Language is a great way to express emotions and work out little frustrations, however calling people names based on their gender is not a very healthy way to try and solve a problem. If anything girl/boy bashing may only increase a person’s anger and heightens their hatred to include the gender as a whole. And I do believe there is an innocent way to use these words when describing a person who is not very nice to you, I still think it is the wrong way to describe another person but if it is lacking in anger, rage or hatred then a once in a blue moon usage wont kill anyone..

Week # 1

“It is a classification that society makes based on genetic and biological factors, and, for most part, it endures thought their lives” (page 23) society, sex, and culture all define gender and the role it plays.
Normal and natural views of gender are usually defined by and connected with culture and communication. There are many factors that can determine the significance of gender on a society, gender is neither innate nor necessarily stable” (Wood page 23) before the industrial revolution men and women shared many responsibilities together such as raising the children and tending to work. The After effect indicated a division of work and home, changing the gender roles for good. (Wood page 27) Biological theories suggest that the physical differences between men and women dictate who they are in society. In this theory boys with different XY chromosome variations produce more than one type of males; this is why generalizing either sex is impossible. Girls also can show different genetic variations depending on their chromosomal structure. And studies have shown that females. I have always felt there was much validity behind sociobiology, the innate and biological need to evolve through procreation. Men are attracted to women with large hips and breasts based on the notion that she possesses very fertile eggs and will easily become pregnant. In this theory, a mans objective is to spread his seed as much as possible to ensure that his genes are passed on. A woman on the other hand must protect the precious chance she has to conceive and is much more careful about the man she chooses, only settling for perfect genetic qualities. Even though I believe our society influences men and women far too much for this to ever emerge.