Response to Tonya week # 6-

I never saw the movie and only skimmed through part of the book. As I recall most of the letters from real women were very desperate and pathetic. They all were obsessed with boys who did not like them, no matter what they did to win the boys over. The author’s advice was good but maybe the movie wasn’t so far off from the book. I remember just being embarrassed for some of the women and cringe when I read their letters because they sounded so weak and were so clueless. From what you’ve said I feel that the movie was trying to depict what not to do with men in a humorous way. I hope it ended well and empowered women but unfortunately for entertainment value I’m sure the writers took the easy way out and hit on every social stereotype they could dig up about women. Women are portrayed poorly in movies sometimes but then again they also have strong roles that society respects. But I don’t like anything that makes women feel the need to be in a relationship considering how unforgiving our society can be to single women.



Response to Joan week # 6-

I agree that society is slowly coming around, but you don’t actually know if either couples of men were in fact heterosexual, they could be gay. I usually see men out together eating but it’s usually during the day, and almost always appears to be business related. If guys are hanging out at the movies together I have noticed it is usually a large group of them and they are usually under the age of 25. Society is becoming more accepting of gay men and women but gender roles are still pretty prevalent. People like labels: gay, straight, boy, girl, they want you to pick a side and stay there.

Response to Robin week # 6-

I think I would feel exactly the same way if I were in your position because you’re her mother and obviously you love her very much, but as an outsider I can see how his actions may have been innocent so to speak. Your daughter told you that she wanted to wait but she may have told her husband something different or not even discussed it at all. And to him maybe he thinks the timing seems perfect but then again I don’t think men will ever fully understand pregnancy because they don’t physically experience it. It’s emotional and messes with your hormones and I’m sure the last thing your daughter needs while in the pits of stressful unemployment is to get pregnant. But he really should be more sensitive and take your daughters feelings and needs into consideration.

Response Kesha to week # 6-

I think the reasons your cousins children wanted to dance were very honorable and supported their education but I feel as thought they should have picked different part time careers. I don’t know much about dancing but I will assume that you make more than you could waiting tables and I’m sure that was the appeal to them. I don’t think that being an exotic dancer is different for a man in society’s eyes then for a woman. As for it being more dangerous for a woman I may have to agree, not that men are invincible but even size wise women are smaller than men. And I worry about the character of men who visit clubs like that in the first place, women as well but I feel they are less of a threat to men. They can become infatuated but cannot rape a man it’s physically impossible. But women can be raped and being a dancer is so sexual by nature that it can be dangerous for a girl to be in that position.

Response to Nicole F. week 6-

Feminist itself is a label and it has taken on some negative images over the past century. In your first sentence I have to disagree with you because I think a strong woman who knows who she is describes confidence not necessarily a feminist mentality. And I think feminism is about women wanting to be treated and viewed equal to men, both legally and in society. While feminism can be an attitude that one applies to their personal views and how they act/live their lives, I think true feminist fight for a cause and make tangible efforts to create change. They involve every part of their life to fighting for women everywhere. I do agree that we all need to work together and change the unbalanced equality I also would like to hear your ideas on how you think people can change issues of equality in our society? Good job with the statistics; they are very powerful and really got me to think.


Response to Tiffany G week 6-

I am hoping that your boss just has an attitude problem and not that all women act this way in positions of power. She may have let some of her new success go to her head, or maybe she doesn’t know how to act because of how women in our society are viewed overall. It can be a tough position and if she wasn’t used to the power she may have gone to the extreme and is trying to hard to secure her top dog position. My female boss is very much the same as yours but I know that my boss is putting on a “tough I have no weaknesses” act. She feels that if any weakness shows it will undermine her authority, just recently she had a stroke and did not tell anyone about it. Her personal assistant only knew because she had to take care of some hospital business for my boss, who told all of us that her father was ill and she was taking care of him for two months. She would show up occasionally for half days but was absent for a while recovering. It’s so sad too; I want to give her a big hug! But I’m sure that’s the last thing she wants. And at first I thought it was strange that she didn’t tell us but now I totally think otherwise. Every time she makes a silly mistake now (which she did in the past just as much) I find myself saying, oh it must be from what happened, and none of us can help thinking she’s making more mistakes even if she isn’t. So maybe your boss is trying to establish her authority, although from what you said she is going about it all wrong. She seems very disrespectful and maybe she was like that before she was promoted but it wasn’t as apparent. As for men not wanting women in the work place I have heard all kinds of reasons- women are too emotional to make important decisions, women can’t separate professional from personal etc. But these are men who were raised in a society that puts women in those categories and it’s hard to fight a lifetime of learned behavior.



Response to Taran G week # 6-

I have never seen that show but I can only imagine how ridiculous it is. I’m sure the woman’s daughter is not allowed to date yet, or if she is I’m sure she has stricter rules than her brother, based on what you wrote about the mother’s behavior. I think that when a father is mean to his daughters boyfriend it is to protect her as well as to establish dominance. Dad is number one in her life and he wants boys to know that. But it is interesting that your questions apply to mothers hating girls and fathers hating boys. I guess it’s rare to find a mother who hates her daughter’s boyfriend without having good reason behind it. Maybe it is an issue of jealousy, moms don’t want to be replaced or feel like they are loosing their baby to another woman. And the same with fathers who many times view their daughters as delicate flowers, who need to be treated with extra special care.
I’m upset to hear the comment about hoping her daughter is ready to be a housewife, not because that is a bad thing to be but because she is giving her no options. It seems very old school to automatically place her daughter in the kitchen with a mop; I wonder what she tells her son his role will have to be. And as I understand it the women on this show are very well off and this mother has the means to offer her daughter endless opportunities, so many struggling mothers would love to be in this position- I hope she doesn’t take that away from her. And I feel bad for the last woman you mentioned, her husband is selfish and feels it is not his job to take care of his own children, how sad for them and his wife.

During the school year i teach pre-k and when school ends for summer vacation i teach instructional swim at camp (as well as at the Y all year.) I never really gave much thought to the way boys and girls bunks were separated until this summer. The 3 and 4-year-old bunks are boys and girls together but 5-year-olds and up are separated by gender. And now I am trying to understand why at age 5 the separation occurs- is it due to societal opinions on gender?? or is it appropriate based on the way children grow, learn, and play? Because during the school year their classrooms are co-ed, so why should the summer be any different. I have always thought men and women could not be friends, but as young children they should be able to play and have experiences together, within a group setting. I understand that changing for swim may be an issue- but that may be only because WE as a society make it one. Plus this is easy to solve- separate changing areas for boy/girl bunks. Maybe men and women would actually have good adult friendships if they were taught (or forced!! as the case may be) to be friends as children. And this would be a great way for them to gain personal insight about the opposite gender, which could heighten communication between the genders. It is also now strange to me that male counselors can only have boy groups but female counselors have both. Are all 19 to 25 year old males child sex fiends??!!? who knew?? Even activities are different, the girls have gymnastics that isn't even offered to the boys while boys have way more athletic opportunities, like soccer and baseball. I feel like my my opinion about male/female friendships came from social observations and nothing else, and it really makes me reevaluate why i think this way and I'm already changing my opinion.

Week 5 Response to Nick B

First of all I applaud you for tackling sex and the city, and for questioning its relevance in our society. I think it accurately depicts how women feel and what they would want if given the opportunity. But not all women have the opportunity to live that way and so the show is more of a fantastical hour long escape. It is empowering to watch when as women you are either going through what the women on the show are going through or you are single and due to society feel not good enough. The show makes it okay to focus on yourself and your career- even if being a housewife is what a girl wants to be she has a whole single-working girl life before she even meets her husband. I remember my girlfriends and I would watch it because the characters were role models. They were unlike any women we saw or knew in our lives. Yes, their lifestyles were extreme, Samantha was a little too sexually free but she made it a little more okay for women to have more than one sexual partner in their life without being considered a whore. And Carrey was flawed and realistic, but still successful and beautiful and women need to look up to other women who make mistakes and say the wrong thing but at the end of a series they are happy with who they are.

week 5 response to Maissa

Jealousy is a tricky emotion that seems to affect both men and women and all situations. If trust is broken in a relationship then jealousy may become an issue. Your friend may have been cheated on before and is scared for life, or she is simply insecure with herself and her relationship with her boyfriend. Environment can also play a role, my boyfriend has always struggled with jealousy and trust because as a child his father cheated on his mother and eventually left her (while she was pregnant with their third child) for his lover (who he is married to now). I don’t think it’s a gender issue but maybe there is some random genetic link that is more dominant in females which causes them to be jealous more often then men. The only difference I have ever noticed is that men will go after the “other guy” when threatened or jealous, whereas women will go after their boyfriends (partners) rather than the “other girl.”

Week 5 response to Robin

I guess the real issue is weather or not this situation is actually a problem, books are gender based, especially for children. Just like girls identify with female role models boys identify with men, boys may be more “feminine” in gender but I am not sure that colors have anything to do with learning. I want to know what books were being provided- the book can be about a boy or a girl and teach a lesson or offer valuable experiences in a non sexist way- which I think is a good thing. Do you know that book “everybody poops” great book!! Haahaha..It is for a younger audience but it comes in a boy version and a girl version on purpose. As a child it is important for them to relate to a character or person in a story/book so they, I agree with you that as they get older boys and girls should definitely have a variety of gendered books because they are confident in their sex (male/female) even if they are still finding out their gender. And I know those trainings you are referring to- the ones that tell educators to call snowmen “snow people” and fire men “fire safety professionals” and what not. But I always thought that was to include both sexes??

Week # 5 eureka moment

There is a 6-year-old boy in one of my classes named jimmy who comes from a very "old school" family. I say old school because mom (who is young 32 years at most) does EVERYTHING regarding her 3 children- ages 18 months, 3, and 6. She drives them to and from school/daycare, to and from swimming and she has a full time job as a physical therapist. I am bothered by this, i wish i wasnt but i am, for the simple fact that our culture is way more supportive of a dual-parent involved family and i see this poor woman struggle on a daily basis. We have mommy and me nights as well as daddy and me nights, and i swear to god jims mom had to do BOTH nights. The event was at 8 oclock, his father works at a car dealership there is no reason he should have missed this opportunity to bond with his children. It really struck a nerver though a few months ago when another childs father came to pick up and Jim said, "Your dad picks you up??" "where is your mom??" I wanted to run over there and say, "Yes, it's true daddys pick up too!!" He was shocked, and i was upset. Every family should be able to live their lives as they see fit, and i have no right to judge anyone but i still cant ignore how archaic this situation seems to me. I know his mother very well and she needs the help, she wants the help, but she never expects it. If a child is sick its her duty and her duty alone to pick them up and call out the next day. Maybe this is the life she wants, as stressed as it makes her, but maybe her husband needs to help out a little more and view their marriage as a partnership. In my opinion a husband and wife are on the same team and they need to pull their own weight, 50-50. I guess im just not used to seeing this, most families share responsibilities and take an active interest in my students activities.

Response to Cecilai K

You are not being unreasonable at all, there is no need to be friends with an ex. Usually the new significant other feels uncomfortable about it and shouldnt have to feel uneasy about someone who is in the past. Even if only out of respect your boyfriend should know better, maybe he wasnt as emotionally involved with her as i know people get, but it is still such a small sacrafice to make for the woman he loves. You cant possibly gain anything positive by staying friends with an ex and i dont care how mature a person may be- you can be civil- but not friends. I personally think its strange when people are friends with exes, its just so unlikely that one or both people involved arent still harboring SOME negative feeling about their failed relationship.

Response to "Mr. Mom"

Yes your friend is being paranoid and extremely over protective as well as controlling- not to bash her because i dont know her!! But seriousl, let me address my first issue: why in the world ahve a child with someone you have no faith or trust in? He has just as much vested interest in their child as she does, whether or not he has no "maternal" insticts. Men may not have the same finesse as women but when it comes to an infant all men need is a little bit of instruction and time to "get the hang of it." Which is actually the same for women, when my sister had her first baby she refused to put long sleeved shirts on him because she honestly believd she might break his tiny fingers off. Eventually she calmed down and could change that baby with one hand and her eyes closed. I think men would get flusterd easily if the baby constantly cried and nothing he did helped. However your friends mother in law is helping too, so she will be there to lend a hand, even if its to give her son a break from a screaming child. He may handle situations differentlky than she would but that does not necessarily make them wrong. His experience with raising children has most likely made him an expert at handaling emergency situations. And he will most likely know the difference between a real emergency and the no-big-deal things. Im also assuming that she is not away from home for so long that she has absolutely no hand in this babys upbringing. She should focus on the time she does have with her baby rather than focusing on what he may mess up. I understand that shes worried something bad may happen but that is a fact of life, even if she was the one staying home accidents happen and usually they are not as earth shattering as what she imagines might happen. He is probally more in tune to the babies needs (which are very basic) then she gives him credit for.

Week #4 Eureka moment. "My only male friend"

My eureka moment happened yesterday when I received an email from my good friend Travis who I haven’t seen for a few years. He is an amazing and fun person who was more like my family then a friend when we were younger. Travis is gay and has been open about it for as long as I’ve known him, he is flamboyant, loud, and energetic and will have a dance party at any time in any place as long as there is music playing. Seriously he broke it down at superfresh before when his cell phone began to ring with his favorite Janet Jackson song. But as feminine as he is I never associated him with the female gender and I considered myself lucky to have a male confidante on my side. I guess I just assumed that his opinions on certain issues would be the same as other men’s. After reading this week it hit me that the only reason he and I were so close is because he was like a girl friend, Travis builds relationships and communicates with others as a feminine person. He embodies characteristics that most men wouldn’t be caught dead owning up to. He is uninhibited with his actions and emotions; he always wanted to confide in me and others when something was bothering him. Also unlike men I know he never got embarrassed when telling a humiliating story, most of his stories began with, “ Oh my god you have no idea what I just did, I am soooo embarrassed!!” He wasn’t really embarrassed but he found humor in all situations and knew how to laugh at himself.
I have never had relationships with other boy friends that even came close to being as deep meaningful before Travis or after. I trusted him completely, maybe it’s because he showed me his weaknesses and genuinely had no hidden agenda behind being my friend. I don’t think I was ever one hundred percent unguarded when with heterosexual men, it’s uncontrollable. But I could always be my true weird and flawed self around him because we had no judgment or expectations about one another, I’m not even sure if I could say that about all of my female friends. This is my acceptation to men and women being friends, it can only work when attraction is removed from the equation.

I teach a swim class for young children and i have recently noticed that the boys have male role models, like big brothers and dads, and the girls look up to sisters and moms. One boy refuses to take any instruction from me, he is three-years-old and will only listen to the male instructors even if he barely knows them. After reading the chapter this all fell into place and i started seeing that boys were more into typical rough play and the girls socialized more and wanted to play fun games where everyone could have fun. I still cannot tell whether or not these behaviors are learned because of the role models they observe or whether they are genetically programmed this way.

week # 3

Magazines geared toward women are ultimately working against women and their self image. Cosmopolitan, Allure, Glamour and others just like these are publications written to let women know what is considered beautiful in our society. But have you ever read the titles on the cover??? They are ridiculous, “101 ways to keep him satisfied,” “Get a flat tummy in two weeks,” “Things he would secretly Love you to do to him,” “Fashions that make anyone look 10 pounds slimmer.” They are entirely about sex, fashion, and thinness- as if these are the only things that will make you happy in life. I am all for silly magazines, But these perpetuate negative stereotypes about females that make the average women feel inadequate. They portray unrealistic women with standards that do not represent the population but the culture, and that seems unbalanced. I don’t understand why they are so popular when it offers bad advice with little to no substance. Even for entertainment I don’t get the appeal because when I'm done flipping through one I feel the need to diet and create a “love trap” so my man will still love me.

rESPONSE TO jOANS WEEK # 3: I have done the same thing or at least thought it, and if i really am curious i will ask. I have only offended one guy, he went to high school with my cousin. He works in fashion and has that certain speech slur that i have come (through what Ive learned from whats around me) associate with the "flamboyant" homosexual male. I felt very bad but I never intent to offend people i just want to know so I do not make the mistake of calling them out in front of a crowd if they happen to be gay. I do recognize that it is way different than someone asking me if I'm straight.

REPLY TO NICOLE F WEEK # 3: I feel that when it comes to certain things like dealing with salespeople, they are always going to shmooz the person who they think calls the shots. And culturally people associate that position with the men and its unfair. At the same time we get ripped off, I took my car into the shop for repair and was charged an insane amount of money for parts I did not even know were in my car. In frustration I took my car to another garage where the price was more reasonable and where i was told many of the repairs the other place wanted to do were unnecessary. What is interesting is that my boyfriend recomended the first place because of how honest and fair they were- he was shocked when he found out and never went back.

Week # 2

There are two very different ways to incorporate dirty words into social situations, one is positive and one is negative. It can be argued that both are negative but I need to make a distinction. One situation involves a person verbally bashing a member of the opposite sex, in front of that person or saying it to a group of their peers, either way he or she is very angry and conjuring every evil sexist name that comes to mind. This is a scary situation because words are so powerful they can ignite a fire that leads to violence. There are countless social situations that make using words such as “chick” or “prick” seem commonplace and totally acceptable. Of course the individuals engaged in the conversation probably know they run the risk of offending the opposite sex and only speak this way in front of their closest same-sex friends. I will talk with certain people in my life using demeaning sexist remarks depending on where I am who I am with and the context of the conversation, like a teacher were talking with a students parent they are going to have a different tone and possibly a different set of words. Language is a great way to express emotions and work out little frustrations, however calling people names based on their gender is not a very healthy way to try and solve a problem. If anything girl/boy bashing may only increase a person’s anger and heightens their hatred to include the gender as a whole. And I do believe there is an innocent way to use these words when describing a person who is not very nice to you, I still think it is the wrong way to describe another person but if it is lacking in anger, rage or hatred then a once in a blue moon usage wont kill anyone..

Week # 1

“It is a classification that society makes based on genetic and biological factors, and, for most part, it endures thought their lives” (page 23) society, sex, and culture all define gender and the role it plays.
Normal and natural views of gender are usually defined by and connected with culture and communication. There are many factors that can determine the significance of gender on a society, gender is neither innate nor necessarily stable” (Wood page 23) before the industrial revolution men and women shared many responsibilities together such as raising the children and tending to work. The After effect indicated a division of work and home, changing the gender roles for good. (Wood page 27) Biological theories suggest that the physical differences between men and women dictate who they are in society. In this theory boys with different XY chromosome variations produce more than one type of males; this is why generalizing either sex is impossible. Girls also can show different genetic variations depending on their chromosomal structure. And studies have shown that females. I have always felt there was much validity behind sociobiology, the innate and biological need to evolve through procreation. Men are attracted to women with large hips and breasts based on the notion that she possesses very fertile eggs and will easily become pregnant. In this theory, a mans objective is to spread his seed as much as possible to ensure that his genes are passed on. A woman on the other hand must protect the precious chance she has to conceive and is much more careful about the man she chooses, only settling for perfect genetic qualities. Even though I believe our society influences men and women far too much for this to ever emerge.

numero uno

first post!!